THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE MISSION OF TOM CRUISE'S LIFE

You've probably seen most of the Mission Impossible series. From the mind-bending series starter in 1996 to the Humpty-Dumpty-scene-having 3rd installment to the latest money grab.

And if you know anything about pop culture, you're probably familiar with Mission Impossible star Tom Cruise's delirious escapades. It's an age-old question: "What is up with Tom Cruise?" Most people chock his insanity up to . . . insanity, but we here at Conspiracy Fury have the real answer. Tom Cruise is secretly on the most impossible mission of his life, a mission to infiltrate and destroy the Church of Scientology, and everything he does is a front to further that mission.

A short jog through Wikipedia's "Relationships and personal life" section on Cruise brings up some interesting facts. First wife Mimi Rogers introduced Cruise to Scientology in the late 80s. After Rogers came an 11-year "Hollywood's hottest" relationship with Nicole Kidman, followed by a fling with Penelope Cruz. Of note is that all these relationships stemmed from on-screen romances, as if Cruise couldn't find a date out in the real world. Perhaps Cruise and The Church were using those deep pockets to buy wombs for Tom's seed.

It was speculated (and confirmed by an ex-Scientologist) that after the Cruise/Cruz breakup, The Church held auditions for his next love interest, hoping to keep their best promoter's image nice and tidy. "TomKat" was the product of that plot, and of note was that Scientology leader David Miscavige was Cruise's best man at the wedding. The tabloids went crazy for the next five years, digging up all kinds of dirt, such as brainwashing, kidnapping, alien insemination, and more.

So far you're probably wondering what this lunatic's escapades have to do with some "mission impossible". Here's where we pull the big Hollywood reveal and let you in on the secret: Tom Cruise is the greatest actor to ever live. He's taken his role so far that it has consumed his entire existence. Every waking moment he hides his true face behind the eyes of a brainwashed madman. He's secretly gathering information, leveling up, climbing the ranks of The Church in an attempt to bring down the entire organization from the top.

Tom Cruise has never won an Oscar, but his acting in the following scene should be enough for a lifetime achievement award. When the day finally comes, and he reveals all the secrets of The Church, ripping the entire organization limb from limb, we will finally see the real Tom Cruise and recognize him for the hero that he is.