Tuesday, December 11, 2012

THE GOD CONSPIRACY

Brace yourselves for the biggest conspiracy you've ever heard. So big, it affects everyone on earth. So huge, it could affect everyone and everything in the entire known universe and beyond. It's like one of those trick questions atheists ask about god. "Could God make a conspiracy so big even He couldn't believe it?" 

The answer is, Yes, He could.


WHAT IS GOD?
In any religion with a God figure, He is thought to be the creator of all life, the architect of the entire universe and the loving deity who placed us here on Earth. The only way we know this, though, is through holy scriptures such as the Bible, the Quran, the Tanakh, or others. And these we received from a prophet, in some teachings from His Son, in others from a chosen mortal. But how do we know we can trust this word?

What if the prophet was misleading us, telling us tales to get something of ours in return? What if he were an intergalactic con artist? He went among the people and performed miracles to gain their trust and adoration. Perhaps these tricks were possible because of advanced technology he had or because he was an inter-dimensional being. It wouldn't be hard to fool ancient goat herders and sand kickers. Perhaps a time traveler called himself God and used technologies we have even today to fool the simple people.

Robo Jesus is coming. Image from rumproast.com.

Many religions, such as the Hopi tribe, worship creatures from the sky. An ancient astronaut could have easily fooled cultures before ours, and could probably still fool today's society. In fact, if you look towards the future outcomes of our current society, what do you see? We will eventually master space travel. We will eventually find other life. So, what will we do when we get there? What will we do the 20th, 50th time we find a new planet with sentient creatures? How long will it take for our achievements to go to our heads? For us to get bored with colonization? Look at the colonists who conquered the Americas. Cortez was treated like royalty, and he bathed in adoration, sucking at the power until he finally grew weary and destroyed his worshipers. How long will it take for human nature to run its course?
WHAT DOES GOD WANT?
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment." - Matthew 22:37-40

The first commandment Christians are ever taught is not to trust any other gods, not to worship any others besides the One True God. Why does He need our constant adoration and affection? He requires us to focus our energy and our minds on Him, to send prayers and worship to Him. As an inter-dimensional beast, there is no doubt He is harvesting energy from humans.

"The Human Energy Field". By Jon Whale, via Wikimedia Commons
The human body is a chemical and electrical system. Through us flow powerful currents of energy, and through meditation we can learn to control that energy. Through prayer, we can send that energy to another person or place. God is collecting our prayers as electrical, transcendental energy. He is growing His own energy and becoming more powerful with every prayer.

"Exalt the LORD our God; worship at his footstool! Holy is He!" - Psalms 99:5

"Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised He also is to be feared above all gods." - 1 Chronicles 16:25

These quotes hearken to the god creature's thirst for power. He wants to rule us. He wants us to kneel at His feet and fear Him. He wants us to capitalize pronouns that we use in place of His name. We are taught to fear our God from the moment we're born. And we are taught to worship Him.



WHERE IS GOD NOW?
You may be asking why Jesus left. An entire planet of human slaves and worshipers wounds pretty enticing, but how about an entire universe of worshipers? How about an entire multiverse of devoted followers? The God we know is travelling the universe, searching for life so he can harvest its spiritual energy. Perhaps in the afterlife we will find out what all that prayer has done for us. Has it earned us a spot in Hearven? Or has it made our souls frail by draining our spiritual energy?

The next time you lay yourself down to sleep, ask yourself what you're praying to. And what you're praying for.

Leech. By Chris Schuster, via Wikimedia Commons

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