THE ABRAHAM LINCOLN SUICIDE

Popular history will tell you Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865. Call it revisionist history, but we know Lincoln was not assassinated. He was a haunted soul, hounded by depression, and he was ready to leave the world after giving it his final gift.

Not only did Lincoln suffer from Marfan syndrome, but he was known to be depressed. NPR produced a fascinating piece on his troubles, which ranged from general gloominess to complete breakdowns. And while some argue his depression is what made him great, it's doubtful he had any chance of beating it. Even today doctors struggle to fend off depression, but in the 1800's their tools were even more limited.

Add to that Lincoln's "Suicide Soliloquy" and things start to take quite the grim turn. Was Lincoln's suicide poem not a suicide note? Here are some lines:

• "No fellow-man shall learn my fate" (a hint that we'd think his suicide was a murder)
• "Yes, I've resolved the deed to do, And this the place to do it: this heart I'll rush a dagger through"
• "Rip up the organs of my breath, And draw my blood in showers!"

Whether Lincoln pulled the trigger himself or hired Booth to do him in, there's no doubt he wanted to die. The Civil War was over, the Emancipation Proclamation passed, and his work was done. What was left for his tortured soul to do but die?

RIGHT TO VOTE? WRONG, PART 3: PUPPET OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Click here to read PART ONE.

Click here to read PART TWO.

The POTUSes.
By A. Feusier, via Wikimedia Commons

President of the United States of America. The most powerful person on earth. Ruler of the biggest, bestestest country ever invented. The "Leader of the Free World"™. The Man.

Not really.

Freakonomics did an eye-opening piece about how much power the POTUS really has, and revealed there really isn't much he can do. He's literally a mascot for America, a figurehead that represents this country, and not much more. Even the most powerful tool he has, the veto, can be overturned by Congress! So, when you go out and vote, you're really just choosing between a big foam elephant costume or a shiny, satin donkey costume for an out-of-work theater manager to wear while he dances around between plays at high school football games.

You're not picking someone who writes and passes laws or balances a budget or runs governmental agencies like the FDA, DEA, CDC, etc. Congress and the House do all that (or act like they do). They make the laws and they vote on them. They--and their corporate, lobbyist leaders--run this country.

Your presidential vote gives you in the dream. It gives you the illusion of freedom, distracting you from the real players in the game. It's the meatloaf your wife gives you to keep you happy while really she's hooking up with all your friends. It keeps your eyes this way while the rats tear into your back.

There's not much more to say. Your vote is a lie. There's no point. It's a broken system meant to trick you into choosing between two helpless pawns. We want to leave you with something uplifting, the music video for Killer Mike's song "Reagan". Enjoy.

RIGHT TO VOTE? WRONG, PART 2: LEGITIMIZING AND ILLEGITIMATE SYSTEM

Click here PART ONE.

The second part of our "RIGHT TO VOTE? WRONG" series continues on the heels of the vice presidential debate. If you didn't watch with glee and rapture, here's a link. We obviously aren't voting, but if we had to choose, we'd choose Joe Biden for president 2012. He gets a bad rap from The Media, but he's one of the most entertaining politicians in the mainstream (and one of the poorest politicians out there). The following clip showcases his off-beat humor that The Media, and most of America, just doesn't get.

Classic Biden!

Moving on to the real issues, if you're still not convinced after Part 1, here's possibly the biggest reason not to vote:

VOTING LEGITIMIZES AN ILLEGITIMATE SYSTEM.

The voting system, as we've pointed out, is a sham, but roughly half the country goes out and votes in every presidential election. Worldwide, that's a low number, but it's still way too high. When half of the eligible voters in the United States go out and vote, they're telling each other, and their masters, that they support the system. The system works. The system is good. Two choices, an electoral college, hackable machines, media and financial taint, and all the other grimes aspects of the voting system are A-OK.

People do this all the time. It's called boycotting. When Chik-fil-A declared their hatred for homosexuals, people who support freedom boycotted the chicken joint. When TV pundits like Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck go too far, people quit buying their garbage and watching their shows. When companies are found to use slave and child labor, consumers boycott their brands. It's a simple concept. You stop supporting things you don't support.

G. Dub has better things to do.

If you go out and vote this November, you're saying, "Yes, this is a good system, and I support it." If enough people vote, we will continue using this broken, shattered system. Your vote doesn't matter, but your non-vote does. Don't vote. Don't support this system. Support freedom. Stay home. Spend your time doing something important. In the next part we'll explain why your vote truly DOES NOT MATTER.

Click here to read PART THREE.

DEBATE? YOU CAN'T HANDLE DEBATE!

Several Conspiracy Furists have written asking if we're going to cover the "debate". We wanted to write a short response while it's still going on:

No.

By DonkeyHotey, via Wikimedia Commons.

We will probably expose some conspiratorial facets of the debates later in the series, but for now, we think the conspiracy is pretty evident. There are two men onstage. One is the current (possibly illegitimate) president. The other is the illegitimate republican nominee (the voter fraud perpetrated by the GOP spread deep down to even the smallest US counties).

This is not a debate. It's a TV show. It's a commercial. Coke or Pepsi. Red or Blue. We'll cover a debate that gives more contenders an opportunity to speak, one that represents the myriad voices of American citizens (and the people of the world who have to deal with Mr. US President). Until then, tune in if you want, but be sure to watch with metered skepticism.

THE ONE PROBLEM WITH SADDAM'S EXECUTION

We all know Saddam was "killed" after being found in a spider hole back in 2006. Click here to read the Wikipedia article. But the video that shows his execution (Warning: Graphic) raises some questions.

Our main concern is that a video exists at all. First of all, they didn't search people for cameras and other recording devices before letting them enter the "kill room"? Secondly, no one saw this guy while they were stringing up Saddam:

Photo by Petr Kratochvil.

Seriously, the "video evidence" of his death gives us more questions than conclusion. We don't have a theory yet as to Saddam's current whereabouts or activities (and possible involvement in US, NATO and/or Al Queda operations), and we'd like to refrain from speculating at this point. If you or someone you know has information regarding Saddam Hussein, please comment below.

Thank we're crazy? At least we aren't alone.

"Is Saddam Still Alive?"
Saddam Is Alive
Fox News: "Saddam Still Alive, Daughter Says"
New York Daily News: Saddam execution "faked"

The list goes on, but feel free to Google it for yourself.

WHAT IF FOX NEWS WAS RIGHT?

We don't support any of the mainstream news outlets (they're more dangerous than any active military), but Rupe Murderdoch's Fox News is the last place we'd ever expect to see something like this. This is almost as scary as an Anonymous video.