Several Conspiracy Furists have written asking if we're going to cover the "debate". We wanted to write a short response while it's still going on:
No.
By DonkeyHotey, via Wikimedia Commons.
We will probably expose some conspiratorial facets of the debates later in the series, but for now, we think the conspiracy is pretty evident. There are two men onstage. One is the current (possibly illegitimate) president. The other is the illegitimate republican nominee (the voter fraud perpetrated by the GOP spread deep down to even the smallest US counties).
This is not a debate. It's a TV show. It's a commercial. Coke or Pepsi. Red or Blue. We'll cover a debate that gives more contenders an opportunity to speak, one that represents the myriad voices of American citizens (and the people of the world who have to deal with Mr. US President). Until then, tune in if you want, but be sure to watch with metered skepticism.
For over a year, protesters of the "Occupy" movement have done their best to shift society's perspective of Big Banks, Big Oil, Big Brother, Big everything, but for the most part, these heroes have been vilified and downplayed by the mainstream media. As the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words . . . and cardboard signs, chants and drum circles. Below is our four-point plan for helping overhaul the economy, the environment and our society as a whole. If enough people take part in our movement, real change will be possible. If .01% of the world stood up, we'd be 6 million strong. So, here's what to do, my 5,999,999 friends.
STEP 1: Quit Your Job.
The Man needs you working the ol' 9 to 5, stuck in a cubicle Monday through Friday, too tired by the weekend to care about anything other than not being in front of a computer. Your wage is worth less now than ever before (the dollar you earn today is worth less by the time you shower for work tomorrow). Your food, transportation and shelter cost more, and are bought with money that is less valuable than any time in history. The "real money" doesn't even get to you, anyway. It goes straight to the top, to your boss, the guy with million-dollar bonuses and half-year vacations. It's supposed to "trickle down" to you as he buys jet skis, private jets and dolphin steak.
Teddy Roosevelt's resignation letter. Craft yours just like it.
Break apart from the system. Free yourself from the chains of tyranny. Our society won't let you fail. We won't let you go hungry and homeless (as long as you're a woman or child and not a Vietnam veteran, then you're on your own). Stop making another man's dollar, and quit your stupid job. STEP 2: Load Up on Loans and Credit
By Cspurrier + David Vignoni , via Wikimedia Commons
Surely you've had plenty of opportunities to extend your credit limit. We've been offered risk-free $10,000 loans multiple times. Plus, there's this thing called a bank. You stock up on card offers and persuade a banker to give you some money, and you could very well grab yourself $40,000 in cash (debt).
With the financial crisis in full swing, there are a few things to keep in mind. 1. Bill collectors have bigger fish to fry. A few grand is nothing compared with $16 trillion. 2. The government forgives loan defaulters. Why not get imaginary money, spend it, say you're not paying, and get bailed out by Uncle Sam?
Borrow as much credit and money as you can. Not only will your loan and credit help destabilize the economy, it will also help you in the next step!
STEP 3: Buy All the Oil
Use your new-found fortune to do something good for the environment. Lobbyists and regulators have kept natural gas, hydro, nuclear, wind, and solar energy at bay for years (plus there's the martyred hemp industry). Only recently have these alternative resources gained on Big Oil, and who knows what other resources and technologies have been charred off the map. If they don't want to find a new energy source, then let's get rid of the one they have. Maybe when we own all the oil, they'll start working on some truly clean energy (as if they don't already have it). Get out there, and buy that oil, soldier!
Such an eyesore. Photo by “John Womack (littlejohn)”.
STEP 4: Watch it Burn
Now that you have your gas, oil, plastics, and other oil bi-products, it's time for the home run. First, a word of caution: be sure to wear protective clothing, gloves and respirators as these products are known to cause cancer and birth defects.
You can horde your oil and use it against Big Oil later if you want, but when the rest runs out be prepared for gun-wielding hillbillies to come after ya. Our suggestion? Burn it all, so it's gone forever. The choice is yours, but it's obvious we have to act now to save the planet. Without oil, we can finally focus on cleaner, more reliable, sustainable energies. It's obvious money doesn't matter to these ancient corporations. They just crave the power. Give them your money, but take the power. It's the best deal you'll find on the market today.
Imagine all the oil these protesters could buy if they all had loans! Photo by Infrogmation of New Orleans.
It's a wild world we live in, and it's getting scarier by the day. Follow our plan, and you can do more than an entire street-full of protesters. Quit your job. Borrow money. Buy their oil. Watch it burn.
More Fury!What if everything you thought you knew about oil was a lie? We're going to go in-depth into the true oil lie, but until then, here's some information, and it's free.
Every bite you take of those halfway tasty, stale-even-though-it's-before-the-use-by-date Great Value graham crackers, an angel dies. Every piece of fabric attempted to be softened by the Walmart brand softener, an angel. And those uncomfortable steps in shoes that don't seem to conform to human feet? Yeah, another angel.
We just felt like reminding everyone that while Great Value seems like a, well, great value, it's not. It's owned and controlled by Walmart, and to keep it a "great value", they resort to unethical practices. They import most of their products from China and use their stance as the World's Greatest Seller to force companies to sell things for less, often at a loss for the maker. They use the fruits and vegetables from the bottom of the pile to keep their food cheap. They do whatever it takes to keep the price down so the value seems great.
Cheap, but how long will they last? By Derek Bridges from New Orleans, USA.
It may be cheap, but it's bad for the world economy. It's bad for small businesses. It's bad for food growers and product manufacturers. It's bad for your health. It's bad for everyone except the huge money makers at the top of the Walmart pyramid.
On the bright side, people seem to be waking up. Walmart redesigned their entire Great Value brand in 2009, and while it looks cleaner and nicer, sales went down. People stopped biting. It may seem like a deal saving 22 cents on a can of beans, but who is paying for that 22 cents? That savings comes from somewhere. And isn't it worth it to spend your money on food that tastes how it should, pants that fit well, and products that do their job?
Walmart is making a mockery of the word "value" and we want to remind people of that. Forget about saving a few bucks on groceries and adding value to your checkbook. Add value to the world by voting with your dollar. Vote for a better future.
Sometimes it's hard to talk about the truly devious machinations of the shadowy elite, and often we regret giving awful things more publicity, but trust us, there is a conspiracy at work here. If you haven't seen it yet, below is a promo for Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on THE LEARNING CHANNEL.
We'll give you a second to wipe the vomit from your screen. Yes, this is a real show on TLC about the depraved ramblings of a fat, rambunctious, exploited young girl and the people she calls a family. How people watch entire episodes of this we'll never know. Why it's on The Learning Channel, we'll also never know. What we do know is that this is a ploy by the New World Order to shift society's perception of the uneducated, hyperactive, obese members of society, aka the Fat Class.
The NWO have slowly been turning our entire society into the Fat Class. Grocery stores are littered with enriched, hydrogenated, adulterated sweets, syrups and solids. Sugar consumption has exploded over the past 200 years. Trans fats, which are known to increase aggression as well has destroy our bodies, are packed into our pantries (for an interesting read, see how the United Soy Board has tries to spin them). On the other hand, the ability to purchase and consume raw, organic foods is still limited and expensive. So, what does that mean?
By Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Fat people aren't healthy. The Fat Class is less fit than the Elite. They run slower, breathe harder and die sooner.
Fat people are easier to control. They're bulked up just like chickens and cows, and their limited mobility makes them easy targets for the Elite's goons.
Fat people aren't as smart.Research suggests the obese aren't as intelligent as the common man. This makes them easier to control and easier to please. They aren't seeking greater freedom or a metaphysical awareness; they're pleased with a jumbo Coke and 2 lbs. of seared animal flesh.
Over the past 30 years, obesity rates have skyrocketed in America and around the world. Read some CDC information on the subject. The NWO have been increasing the amount of people who are easily controlled puppets, but the problem is people are noticing. We've finally opened our eyes and seen the grease stains on the wall. People are getting fatter, and it's not good for any of us. From higher taxes and insurance premiums to a larger carbon footprint to an increase in the slaughtering of innocent animals to satiate everyone, obesity is in no one's best interest.
Picture of an Obese Teenager (322lbs) with Central Obesity, side view.
And that's where Honey Boo Boo comes in. She puts a cute, innocent (though excessively annoying) face to the fat. She is the new spokesperson of the Fat Class. She's on TV. She's doing it right. She's OK. If she's that fat, and her family's that fat, and they're all leeches on the legs of society, then it's alright for me to be like that, too. I don't have to go to school. I don't have to take care of my body. I can do whatever I want, and the consequence is I'll get a TV show.
This is how it starts. We get fat. We get lazy. We get controlled. The NWO is plumping us up to position us how they want us. They will surpass our capabilities mentally, physically, monetarily, and, soon enough, interdimensionally. There's a reason the education system is broken. There's a reason the FDA hasn't started a War on Obesity (we have a war on everything else, after all). They want us this way. They want all of us this way. Too fat to run and too dumb to care. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is just one piece of the sugary, cholesteroly pie of control.
Edited image depicting the docile Fat Class watching the Elite's goons overtake our freedoms.
UPDATE 8/31/12: As a little bonus, Nielsen ratings proclaimed Honey Boo Boo the victor in the battle over viewers during the Republican National Convention. In fact, Honey Boo Boo and crew more than doubled the amount of viewers. We're not sure if this is a sign that Mitt Romney doesn't appeal to Americans, or that they would rather stuff their guts with chemical-laced popcorn and watch human pigs at the TV trough. It's bleak no matter how you look at it.
Most of our readers are probably aware that us Conspiracy Furists vehemently support freedom and personal rights. One of our main fears is losing those rights, and many of the actions of the US Government deeply worry us. The Patriot Act, the NDAA, the War on Drugs, and many laws regarding "taboo" social issues like same-sex marriage are just some examples of why we are scared.
What's scarier is that homophobia and hate, racism, class warfare, etc., are all used to drive a wedge between members of society. "Divided we fall; united we stand." It's not to say people aren't persecuted, sometimes violently, for being different, but the media and the powers that be exaggerate these issues to polarize us. They encourage that hatred to keep us under control and to keep themselves off our radar by distracting us.
Interference graphic by Dr. Schorsch via Wikimedia Commons
The Chik-fil-A situation is an example of this tactic. American citizens have far more to worry about than the deranged ramblings of a senile old man who's been in the business of slaughtering and frying bird meat for his entire life. We're in countless wars, our economy is collapsing, jobs are scarce, our prisons are overflowing, our education system is utterly broken, tax money (that's unfairly collected) is being wasted, our Congress exists only to serve their interests and the interests of hugely wealthy corporations, and on and on. And while it's unfortunate that Dan T. Carthy is using his social position to spread a message of hate, he's merely exercising his First Amendment Rights.
The Young Turks on Mr. Carthy's comments. (Note: this video is editorialized.)
We think boycotting Chik-fil-A is a great idea. If you don't support the owner's beliefs, you don't have to eat his greasy meat-sandwiches. But make the decision, and call it good. Don't let it consume your entire being. Don't dwell on it for days at a time and lash out at people who still want to eat his chicken. It's not that important.
While proponents of same-sex marriage are boycotting the chicken joint, opponents of same-sex marriage, in an attempt at restoring order in the universe, have decided to hold "eat-ins" to show support for Chik-fil-A's CEO and his remarks. John Stewart had a delicious commentary about it the other day. That's right. People are flocking en masse to buy fast food in an attempt to undermine the actions of their fellow Americans. In a time of financial instability, health concerns and worldwide turmoil, people are buying fried chicken as a social and political statement to spite other people.
The wedge has spread rapidly through the realm of social media. We saw this image on Facebook today:
When will you stop exploiting the suffering of the oppressed for a cheaply made e-card?
We won't go into the fact that America is supposed to be a shining light of democracy for the world. How at least our government has (for the most part) gotten past executing its own people for their beliefs. How the only way to promote and continue change and bring about a better society is to strive for more social acceptance and comradery. We will say, however, that these petty, user-made e-cards are just a tiny example of how the social wedge continues to grow. People are spreading messages of intolerance and veiled hate (that they most likely don't understand is hate) to make a point in regard to a non-issue.
As to the Bible-pushers(-down-throaters), this must be what people mean when they say they're "doing God's work". They're actually trying to do His job for Him, and we're pretty sure the Bible says He doesn't like that. We don't believe in God, per se, but to everyone who does, please let Him do His job. The evil, marriage-destroying gays will get theirs when they die and meet that giant burning Judge in the sky.
Passing judgement is fun, which is why God saved it for Himself.
And so, the fight rages. One side is supporting people's rights, even though the catalyst for their anger is ridiculous. The other side is brandishing the Word of God in an attempt to control how other people live their lives. And as the e-cards get shared and liked online and the exaggerated news reports flow, the topic continues to move further and further away from the social issue of same-sex rights to the Chik-fil-A non-issue that is stupidly dividing people.
As freedom-lovers, we support everyone's right to ". . . life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Do what you want, just don't hurt anyone and don't mess with their rights, and don't get caught up in the media's ploys to distract and divide you. For now, we're going to take our own advice and move on with our lives. The Chik-fil-A "issue" is aggravating, but we ALL have bigger chicken to fry.
Would you eat this to support your cause? By Biswarup Ganguly via Wikimedia Commons.
This is what everyone's talking about right now. The landing of NASA's Curiosity rover on Mars. This is the first image back from the rover:
Sorry to be cynical, but we don't think America's "curiosity" drove this $2.5 billion mission forward. Take another look at the image above and imagine anyone you encounter in public being awe-struck by it. We can't wait for the over-sized women in Walmart lines to belch, "That much money for black and white photos of some rocks? Ha! I got them same rocks in the driveway up to my trailer." Sorry to generalize, but seriously.
This is what NASA promised us:
By NASA via Wikimedia Commons.
This looks more like scene out of a Michael Bay movie (Transformers 4?). It's exciting. It's fun. It's something we want to watch. And that's what brings us to our point. We aren't saying that Curiosity didn't land on Mars. We aren't saying the images are fake. We aren't saying those seven minutes of "terror" (aka "silence") weren't legitimate. We're saying, what were they distracting us from?
We're big fans of Richard C. Hoagland's Dark Mission, so we don't trust NASA in the first place. As you've read before, we think know there are crazy things going on with Venus. Our best guess is that Venus is the origin of modern man. What's very interesting is that while all this "curiosity" is happening, Venus is behind us doing who knows what. Here's a map of what we mean:
Click for a larger view.
We'll let you rest somewhat easy tonight, high on "America's victory". (On a side note, wasn't John P. Holdren's speech about America, America and America great? Was this a scientific endeavor or a public relations stunt for Obama? Here's what our Leader had to say by the way.)
Hopefully you viewed tonight's events with a sense of skepticism rather than curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, after all. Don't let it get to you, too.
